I have keloid skin and I worry when any scar, tattoo, new piercing, etc even begins to look like it is about to scar. They are so unsightly. And everyone wants to ask you a million questions when they see them. For example, I have a friend who calls the keloid that I have on my shoulder from a terrible fall, on my 19th birthday, a bullet wound. Of course he was joking, but there were other, more vain individuals who have inquired about my scar in a way that makes me very uncomfortable. Isn't it crazy how people can make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin?
Well, I said all of that to say that a very dear friend got my nose pierced as a housewarming gift and it was healing very well. Recently, while directing a theatrical production, a bump started to come up beside the piercing. Then it began to bleed and I realized that it wasn't beside the piercing but coming from the piercing. This made me freak out. It was unsightly and, although no one has asked me about it, it kills me every time that I look at my own reflection. I looked it up online, (gotta love that internet, right) and it was called a cyst and that it can be treated with tea tree oil and a sea salt soak that dries the infection out. So, I am on that.
This post has now become an apparent rant, but, I promise it is coming to a head (pun intended). I have had a very vivid past. I have done more in my lifetime than some men. I have lived and loved and been hurt and hurt and survived it all. But, these are all scars that have keloided on my heart, my mind, my spirit. I come across as so strong and determined but, at home, when I hang my strength on the coat hanger along with my cape, I am so very human.
I have made mistakes that have hurt people to the point that they have not recovered. And, as I get older, I am beginning to see this. There are so few that I can actually go back and apologize to. Some that I wouldn't, even if I could. But the ones that I can, I do. And the people I love, I tell, openly and often. I give out kisses and hugs like business cards. I mind my mouth and my attitude. Because I have learned that, even though I have done damage, I can, in the process of making amends for that damage, not cause anymore.
I have faced the woman that I was and am now eliminating the infection within my life by treating it with love, honesty, and good intentions. And now, the eyesore is slowly removing itself from my reflection.